The Trials & Tribulations of Dating While Plus-size

People are embarrassed to admit they’re interested in a plus-size person.

Let’s get real honest here. In 2021, It’s extremely hard to find people who want anything meaningful. Between dating apps & societal standards, people see each other as disposable or “not real” because you’re chatting through a screen rather than in-person & COVID ain’t make it no better! I’ve been waiting to talk about this topic y’all, so let’s not waste any time!

Dating as a plus-size, black woman in her early 20s, I’ve been exposed to some pretty “interesting” men and been on some bizarre, traumatizing dates. I’m not the most extroverted woman & I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety, so I’ve always been the type to engage in dating apps, I love my space and my comfort. Instead of going out and meeting men at a bar or club, I would use Tinder, Hinge, BLK, etc. This way I can be in my comfort zone. It’s convenient and it allowed me to “Swipe Left” without dealing with the wrath of a butthurt ass stranger. So, talking to these men & getting to know them (if it even got that far) I came up with a conclusion. Dating is uncomfortable and stormy regardless of your body type, but I had noticed a few common themes in my relationships/situationships that seem to correlate with being a plus-size woman and a black woman as well. From fetishes to fantasies, I have witnessed it all. Let’s start with the good, you have the men that completely accept you, rolls, flab, fat, and all, and are genuinely in it with you, FOR YOU. You guys have a genuine connection emotionally, physically, and spiritually & you live happily ever after, which is what I hope for all my women out there! But now, let’s get into the real, you have the men who seem interested, but then randomly ghost you, you have the men that either have a fetish or fantasy when it comes to your body and race, or they confuse their lust and hypersexuality for a genuine connection.

Most of the time I wonder if it’s because of my size and race they’ll assume that I’m good enough to fuck but not date or be seen out in public.

u/Calm_Brilliant_9236 – REDDIT

Let me get into a little story time with y’all, growing up, I’ve always been chunky. I’ve always weighed more than some of my friends and family & which would hinder my self-esteem and confidence. Boys I met at school would text me on Snapchat or Kik & say they liked me and thought I was beautiful, but when the night was over and I would see them at school the next morning, GIRL you would’ve thought I had the bubonic plague the way they would avoid me! I didn’t quite understand what the problem really was till about 10th grade. I had become friends with the new boy at school and had developed a crush on him which seemed to be some reciprocated energy on his end as well 👀 He would talk to me all night over the phone, but at school, he would be MIA. I would see him talking to other girls, but they looked VERY different from me & when he was by himself and saw me coming? he’d walk the other direction sometimes! so what was the issue??? I had finally confronted him about his actions and although he seemed to like me, he put it plain & simple. “You cool and pretty, but you a big girl, and I just can’t be seen with you. It’s not good for my image”.

Y’all…I let this shit really break me. I was embarrassed, hurt, frustrated, and my confidence was depleted. I bounced back better, but that feeling of rejection because of how you look is never a good one. Back to the point of all this, even at this big age we are at, THIS SITUATION IS MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK. Men will love a plus-size woman DOWN in private, but in the face of his homies?? the SHAME is just too much for them to bear & my one question is who THE FUCK (excuse my French, but not really.) cares? Why do we care so much about the physical preferences of others? People are going to like what they like and that’s just that on that, babes. Blame European beauty standards, Fatphobia, and body shaming, because that’s the REAL pandemic.

Anyways, this post has mostly been me venting. I know I’m not the only one who deals with this or feels this way, so I had to share my thoughts and experiences on my platform. The point I’m trying to make in all this is that dating while fat & black is hard and weird. I’ve gotten everything from “I’ve never been with a big girl before, and I really want to try it” (my body isn’t something you can just add to your bucket list, sir) to “Can I use your stomach as a pillow?” & the worst part is that when I first started dating, I looked at these as compliments. As a community, we have to demand respect and want better for ourselves ladies, and to the men, get ya head outta ya ass and start putting some respect on our name! Plus-size women are made to feel like they’re lucky to have someone be interested in them, so we overlook potential red flags out of fear of rejection. I’M OVER IT.

I’m not making plus-size dating seem very fun, and I’ll be the first to admit that I have a lot of trust issues & paranoia to work through over past relationships in relation to my body image, but I just had to be honest with y’all. It’s not always marshmallows and rainbows. Sometimes we do find a man worthy of our love and affection, but to get there, you gotta weed through the garbage just like everyone else. This is only my experience, and part of being confident and strong is knowing that there are mature, adult people out there who won’t treat you like a “cross that off the list” experience. I pray that any woman or man reading this finds someone who genuinely loves ALL of them. Every aspect. Flaws & all. It’s cliche, but it’s real!

Love y’all 🤍

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